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COSMOSIS

Notable Events of the Talent Show
(in order…I think)

By: Lucia Zhang

1. Singing the periodic table

  • Show off chemistry knowledge to friends, family, and enemies

  • Use this to one-up someone in brainpower when necessary

  • Done at a fast tempo (I would say around 100wpm)

  • Struck a proud hands-on-hips pose at the end

  • Can help you easily get through chemistry quizzes/tests that require you to memorize the periodic table


2. Animal balloon maker

  • Short and sweet

  • Made an animal balloon in ~10 seconds

  • Kind enough to make 30-40 balloons that were distributed (thrown in the air) by friends after the performance

  • Entertaining for kids

  • applying to circuses/fairs/eventsGood to have on resume when


3. “Sorry mama, there are times that I get carried away…”

  • The singer found himself very funny and cackled several times during the act

  • Apologizes to mom for bad actions he did

  • Shows that he is a good son

  • Would have been better if his mom was there to listen and appreciate

  • get someone’s attentionGood way to


4. GeoGuesser

  • Least nerdy geography-related activity

  • Memorized the different fences/poles/public infrastructure of countries around the world

  • Guessed countries within seconds of looking at a picture (took me 10 minutes and many google searches last time I tried)

  • Can impress STEM friends who aren’t familiar with geography

  • Useful for when you get plopped in a random country and need to find your exact location on the map within 10 second


5. lip sync Baby by Justin Bieber

  • Good closing act

  • A classic and arguably Mr. Bieber’s best song ever

  • You can really see the preparation made by the group to put on such a stellar performance even had matching outfits

  • They will be applying their skills to college raves next year

Cockroach Phenomenon

See a cockroach once, it's an accident. See a cockroach twice, it’s a coincidence. And if both cockroach sightings have a similar incident beforehand, it must be intentional.

The first time a cockroach was found in my room, the whole hall scurried over to witness the bug. Its antennas moved up and down in a calculating motion and its body clung closely to a lab coat. Cockroaches smell fear and it most definitely relished in the panic of the hall. But the humans won against the bug and eventually it was no more.

The second time a cockroach was found in my suite, we did not dare to repeat the same mistake of telling non-suite members about the roach. And this cockroach was more territorial. It guarded a corner and played dead. Luckily for us, a brave RA sniped it with a sandal and emerged victorious.

These sightings occurred in successive weeks, the first and then the second week. It seemed as though there was no correlation between these cockroach invasions. But on the days I interviewed an RA, a cockroach appeared. I dare not say that the cockroaches timed their attack, but there definitely is a positive correlation. They intentionally invaded our spaces to instill fear among the masses. I call this the cockroach phenomenon, in which a cockroach attacks when you least expect it.

A cockroach sighting is never an accident, it's an intentional warfare tactic. Remain calm and perhaps the cockroach sightings will lessen. To my fellow warriors, I hope you stay safe and cockroach free.


Mika Kohno, the best cockroach evader (self proclaimed)

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Fabiel's #1 Fan

There are people running the program and making sure the rules are enforced. For COSMOS, such people are known as RAs. Specifically, their jobs are to make sure the students don’t get lost as that is the main safety concern of the program. It sounds like a chore to babysit teenagers for sixteen hours a day. And to be frank, it probably is. However, it doesn’t have to be that way. Instead of treating the position like a job, it should be treated as an opportunity to interact and have fun with the students. There’s no RA that does this better than Fabiel.
I remember my first interaction with Fabiel during the first week of the program. I was embarking on an illegal walk around Aldrich Park (hopefully it’s okay for me to admit this now that the program is virtually complete) when Fabiel spotted me walking back from a suspicious area. After a short interrogation, I was left off the hook with a slap on the wrist. I was sure Fabiel would be my mortal enemy at COSMOS; he would surely hate me for breaking a rule so early into the program!
Shockingly, it was actually the complete opposite. I realized that he’s just a big jokester, and he was simply doing his job during that first week. Over time, we started to understand each other better. I mean, I don’t even really blame him for warning me during the first week. That was admittedly my fault for taking such a risky walk, and I paid the price in a warning and a glare from Fabiel. Those glares never went away though. I still received them everytime Fabiel saw me, but they became more lighthearted as we continued our banter.
I swear, he didn’t pay me to write this article. But he’s genuinely a great person, and I’m really glad we got into our incident that first week. Not only does he do his job when he needs to, but he makes sure the students are enjoying themselves as well. I just hope his foul pictures of me from trivia night don’t make it into the photo album. Oh well.

​

-Benjamin Woo

Famous Quotes from Cluster 4

Brought to you by Emily Song

  1. “Yo mama so fat, she turned into a black hole” - Alejandro Aguirre

  2. “Hey rodents —“ - Suraga Nallan

  3. “There is nothing new to be discovered in physics now. All that remains is more and more precise measurement. And make sure it’s clear that Lord Kelvin said it. In 1897.”- Alec GeoSimonian

  4. “Guys did you know that Hozier [blah blah blah blah blah]” - Sarah Bergseteren Strange

  5. “Do not listen to Alec or Lord Kelvin” - Suraga Nallan

  6. “I don’t like walking near Alec. I feel like whatever he has is contagious.” - Sarah Bergseteren Strange

  7. “Guys did you know that engineers are exponentially more likely to have kids with autism?” “My dad’s an engineer” “Well that checks out”

  8. “I never know if Alec just doesn’t like me or —“ “Let me make it easy for you. I don’t like you.”

  9. “What if we injected Z Bosons into humans” - Alejandro Aguirre

  10. “My favorite thing about cosmos is annoying Alec” - Sarah Bergseteren Strange

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